At Home in the World: A Conversation with Maryam Hassan

What gave you the inspiration to write Until You Find the Sun? 

I had a little girl join my class midyear when I was teaching in Chicago. She had come from South India. We were in the middle of polar vortex winter, and she was having meltdowns every day. One day I came into the classroom, and she was under a table shaking. She was small. She didn’t have the language to communicate how she was feeling. Of course she was going to be overwhelmed. It’s not easy for anyone to move across the world, especially a little kid. 

What is the meaning of the yellow coat? 

I gave Aminah a yellow coat because yellow is my favorite color. When I first moved to Chicago, my sister-in-law got me a yellow raincoat, and I wore it constantly. The yellow coat isn’t life-changing, but it helps Aminah find some comfort. And that’s the beginning. Because she has the coat when it snows, she goes out to play. That’s when the place she has moved to goes from being dark and gray to magical. The coat is still just a coat, but it helps her begin to find a way to make this new, different place her home. 

How did your own experience growing up the daughter of Pakistani immigrants in London influence this book?

I am a child of the ’90s, and I grew up in an era when we had little to no diversity in music, in movies, even in books. All the books I read when I was growing up—picture books, the tween lit—there were no Pakistani characters. There were mostly just white Americans and white English characters, and in the face of all of that, it was easy to end up trying to bury your Pakistani-ness under English culture and American culture because that’s what you’re seeing. It’s not very healthy, in my opinion. It can lead to a lot of identity issues and guilt and self-doubt. 

So, in my writing I’ve always wanted to have South Asian girls and South Asian women front and center. Representation has gotten better since I’ve grown up, but I still feel like there aren’t enough strong Muslim, South Asian females in children’s literature and literature in general.

The concept of home is a universal one, just as homesickness is. How does the book convey the meaning of home?

Having a place where you can be you, where you can feel grounded and feel safe, is so important. Everybody wants that kind of place and needs that kind of place, and when you’re far away from what you know, it’s even more important. I’ve had times when I haven’t had that, and looking back, those have been the times when I was very lost. And the times when I have felt a really strong sense of home, no matter where I’ve been in the world, that’s when my mental health, my spiritual self, my sense of purpose have all been at their best.

What do you hope readers take away from this book?

I hope this book will help people remember that whatever change you’re going through—whether you’re moving country, moving to a new city or even just moving to a new house—change is hard. Changes can be scary at first: They can be daunting, but if you can find some way to connect with your new home, even something small, it will help ground you. Eventually you’ll change how you’re feeling, and the new place will begin to become home.